I am by no means a professional, just writing from 51 years experience of being in a committed relationship with the same person. Since February is the month celebrating love, I wanted to share a few things I’ve learned in my own very simple words.
The fact that people grow at different stages is no surprise; but when it happens in a marriage, it is sometimes hard to interpret. When things start to go topsy turvy, it is a good time to check that out before thinking the worse.
To achieve optimal understanding, sit across from one another, eyeball to eyeball, in a public place, out of hearing distance if possible, to speak of silent things growing within. State your needs and possible solutions. Your partner doesn’t have to like them! Give your partner a chance to think about what you’ve shared and to tell you what they are willing to do. Be open to possible compromise.
Give your partner an opportunity to save face. No one likes to be shamed, especially in front of others. This is where humour can save the day!
Blame is futile, scorn, shaming and nagging don’t work in the long term. Don’t go there as all that does is detract from possible solutions, and requires your partner to defend themselves.
Trust me on this one “you will never change your partner”. You can only “change yourself”.
Remember, the good qualities you saw in your partner are still there. Start to focus on what they are doing right. Start small and add something new to the list each week until the good side outweighs the bad.
Humour is a great way for each person to save face
Never threaten to leave. If it comes to that point and you have made every effort to resolve your differences, without threats, then get professional help