I decided I would share with you an experience my dearest Friend and I had while trying to spread our wings playing Golf. I believe she would prefer to remain anonymous so I will refer to her as “KS” aka Kindred Spirit.
We took up Golf around the same time when our children were old enough that we could play nine holes and dash. At the rate we navigated the course, we usually spent about three hours doing nine. Once KS was so tired she cried all the way home. Now mind you we were so honest, we counted every stroke, whiff, whatever and never dreamed of cheating by picking the ball up after ten strokes or not putting every stroke. Although, I must confess we played a course called “Lost Creek” and on the 9th hole we both tore up our cards and buried them under a rock. We renamed that course “Lost Ball Creek” and anytime someone we knew was planning to go we made the sign of the cross behind their backs.
We thought up lots of fun ways to play the game in hopes it would make it easier. Once we were playing with our husbands, who were offering lots of unsolicited advice, but as soon as we told them we were only playing with three clubs and a putter they gave up. Mind you all that did was speed up our club choice —-it made no difference to our game whatsoever.
We heard chatter among our golfing friends that every year there was a Provincial Two Ball tournament that was a lot of fun. We would rent a room in a B&B and go to dinner with a group of friends also playing in the tournament. There was a wee sip or two of wine involved and a hand or two of bridge, lots of laughs!
As a two person team, we bought lovely, brightly coloured matching outfits and were pretty hyped up on the day of the tournament. Of course with our high handicaps, we were first up, grabbed a bite, popped a few Tylenol, and out the door at 6:30 on a cool dewy morning.
As we headed to our first hole, I noticed a gal from our local club, named Sherry, who was waiting to tee off behind us. We got off to a good start and got acquainted with the other two ladies who made up the foursome. By the time we got to the 12th hole, we stopped for a snack and were quite impressed with the delicious pizza sticks these ladies shared with us. By the time we got to hole 13 which was a par three, I was surprised to see Sherry and her group teeing off. She came over to tell me, she noticed we went to the wrong hole but felt it may be against the rules to tell me!!!!! What the f——-?
KS told us to all tee off and she would search out a rules official as she saw one on the hole beside ours. When KS explained our situation, the first thing the male official asked was “Did all four of you play the wrong hole?” KS looked at him quite indignantly and asked “Do you think we would have left those lovely ladies behind?” The official quickly called in reinforcements and we were told to continue the round and someone would be waiting with a decision at the end of 18holes.
We shook that off and continued our round. As we dragged ourselves up 18, we could see about five men standing at the top of a sand trap to the left of the 18th green. They were very sorry but all four of us were disqualified! I really objected to that word, as it sounded like we cheated and asked if they could come up with a better word. I accepted “withdrew” as it had a sense of wonder and mystery about it. We went in with all the gals had lunch and on the ride home we bemoaned our fate but still had a great time. After all, it’s not all about the Golf, right?
The next year, we were keen to register once again for the Provincial Two Ball and had high hopes now that we knew the ropes. We decided to opt for black outfits, just to stay under the radar! We teed off on number 10 and were cheery and feeling great. Par’d the hole! Gleefully we head to our cart. The group on the 11th tee came running up and Sherry, yes, that same Sherry (who has since passed away or I would have had more colourful language to add) asks if we know what happens when all four of them lost their balls in the hazard and there was no drop zone. We told them to get the rules official and by the time the official arrived there was quite a backup behind us. We sat and watched as the foursome in front of us kept putting balls in the hazard. Finally, they were told to move on and unfortunately were DQ’D. Right about this time, that bad feeling in my stomach was moving into my nether regions! I knew instinctively this was not good!!! The thought quickly passed through my mind would God pay attention to a golfer’s request if I pledged to become a nun?
KS went first and put two balls in the hazard, my turn now and the gallery behind us had ballooned! My first drive was great and would have gotten over but it went on a diagonal directly into a lake! Okay, one more try that could have been a carbon copy of the first. The officials tell us to go to the other side of the hazard to see if one of our balls might have squeaked through. I moved away from that tee at warp speed. Our other twosome got one ball over so they were safe. We searched but no balls in sight. My very brave KS, with a bit of urging I might add, went back to the tee for a third shot to no avail while I hid in the bushes. I was very happy to be wearing black. This time, there was no negotiation on the word -DQ’D!
Okay then, we’d only played one hole what now? They suggested we just enjoy the day and finish playing. We both said “Are you kidding me?” Then because we didn’t want to disturb our playing partners, we took turns sobbing into our Golf towels. As soon as the last hellish hole was over, KS shouted “START THE CAR”!
Now you might think we gave up Golf but neither one of us are quitters. We would not let our golfing days end on this sour note. So when we were in Florida at the same time, we signed up for our local club’s “Magnolia Two Ball”. When KS told her Daughter, her only comment was “Are you and Margie trying to get DQ’D internationally?”
Woo Hoo we made it through that tournament without incident!
The next year, now encouraged by our recent Florida tournament, we registered for the Provincial Two Ball again!
We ended that tournament on a wonderfully, positive note, we got to play all 18 holes without getting DQ’D and we shot a hole-in-one!!!!!!!